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Buying a Florida Investment Property 买了佛罗里达州投资财产 | Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction? 妇女和坏男孩：有什么样的吸引力？"Bad Boys". “坏孩子” 。 If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words.如果你是一个女人，您可能会说： “ hmmm ”为你听到这些话。 You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.你知道你不应该，但你就不能帮助自己。 There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"!目前仅仅是一些有关这些家伙，吸引你，甚至在你的脑袋告诉你“小心！ ” So, what exactly is the attraction?那么，究竟是什么吸引？ It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys".这并不一定是他们更具有吸引力，或身体更聪明或更成功的不是“好心” 。 In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.事实上，他们可以有较少的这些素质，但难以抗拒。 So what is it?那么是什么呢？ Let's begin by defining these guys.让我们首先确定这些家伙。 This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly.这个词是普遍适用于男性谁对待妇女不佳。 Do these behaviors ring a bell?这些行为环钟？ *calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together *致电8:30周六晚上询问您是否要走到一起 *not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology *无法显示的日期，其次是没有电话或道歉 *never having any money when you are out *从来没有任何金钱当你出 * forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates *忘记或无视你的生日和其他重要日期 *flirting openly with other women when you are together *调情公开与其他妇女当你在一起 *hitting on your good friend(s) *触及您的好朋友（星期日） *making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others *使战利品要求在凌晨1时后，他们度过了一夜与他人 *is doing time for a serious felony *正在做的时候了严重的重罪 Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them.而是问： “什么是对这些家伙” ;让我们不是研究它是什么的妇女没有谁可以抵制他们。 The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys.以下是从实际报表妇女谁有一个历史的旅游景点，这些家伙。 See if any of these sound familiar.见如果任何这些熟悉的声音。 * "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting." * “这是从来没有镗他。他是难以预测的，令人振奋。 ” * "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him." * “他是强有力的，积极的和自信;我觉得他的安全。 ” * "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together." * “这不是他的过错;他试图让他一起生活。 ” * "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does." * “我从未见过任何人让我感觉像他的。 ” * "He's so charming and passionate." * “他是如此迷人和激情。 ” * "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me." * “他告诉我多少钱，他喜欢我，所以他必须真的觉得我的东西。 ” * "He needs me." * “他需要我。 ” * "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate." * “他没有遇到的贫困和绝望。 ” * "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him." * “我不能相信我已经吸引了像他。 ” Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign.现在，面对这些，他们似乎非常良性的。 We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose.我们都寻求至少有一些这些特性在男子我们的选择。 So, where's the problem?因此，如果问题？ Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs.从本质上讲这是他无法满足妇女的基本需要。 She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving.她是一个做所有（或大多数）的提供。 The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?"那么问题在于， “有什么值得她吗？ ” The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:答案可以发现，探索三个基本问题： *level of self-esteem *水平的自尊 *capacity for intimacy *亲密的能力 *roles that she has been in throughout her life *角色，她已在她的生活全 If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected.如果一个女人感觉很好的，她选择了队友谁传达口头和非口头给她，她是珍视和尊重。 She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth.她将不允许这种其他人破坏她的积极的自我价值。 She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.她认为，她有能力参与一个健康的，互惠的关系。 If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.如果她不感到欣慰的是，她选择了她谁负强化自我的信念。 If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person.如果一个女人能真正的亲密关系，她是开放的真正提供的其他人。 She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship.她希望他是一个充分和积极参与的关系。 She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.她可以使自己成为开放的，弱势群体和能够承担并接收所有，真正的亲密关系提供。 If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.如果亲密是很难的，她选择了谁是遥远的，硬连接，而不是感情上和/或身体可用。 If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.如果一个女人有一个健康的作用，她自童年的关系，她将选择其中的人，她可以继续这样做良性互动。 If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships.如果一个女人已经太久的作用救援，护理或一个谁牺牲的良好他人，这可能会的作用，她将寻求在她的关系。 Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues.幸运的是，大多数妇女属于两者之间在这些问题上。 So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.因此，任务是评价自己在每个领域，并决定了行动方针，这将有助于您选择一个“好人” ，谁挑起你的感官和满足您的需求，同时真正提供一个真正的关系。 Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without.首先评估你的价值在生活中最不能生活。 Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values".转到http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm有一条关于“澄清和生活的价值” 。 Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.一旦你知道什么是最重要的是你，相信你是值得实现它，你将采取迈出的一大步，争取找到了正确的合作伙伴为您。 Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience.托尼科尔曼，城市生活垃圾是一种心理治疗师，并授权关系的教练， 20多年的经验。 As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines.作为一个公认的专家，托尼已被引用在许多地方和国家的出版物包括：芝加哥论坛报和奥兰多哨兵报报纸和家庭圈，妇女节，并明星杂志。 She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online.她一直特色的ABC新闻;发现健康频道和美国在线在线。 As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback.作为一个每周特约评论员的KTRS广播电台早晨节目， （ 438 ） ，托尼提供约会的技巧和相关咨询，针对听众的反馈意见。 Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships.托尼成立Consum - mate.com在2002年提供单打的知识和工具，他们需要寻找和保持健康，持久的爱情关系。 She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.她是一个会员国的国际教练联合会和国际协会的教练员。 | |||||
